When planning a sabbatical, it’s not just about choosing a destination or packing bags; it’s about rethinking your family dynamics. Renowned researcher Brené Brown offers a simple but powerful way to categorize families, and this framework translates seamlessly into the context of family sabbaticals. There are Kid-focused families, Parent-focused families, and Family-focused families. What does this mean? It boils down to one central question: who comes first? Is it the kids, the parents, or does the family function as a balanced system where everyone's needs and wants are weighed equally?
Let’s Call Out the Elephant in the Room
Most people will say they aim to be a Family-focused family. Who doesn’t want to believe that their family runs like a well-oiled machine, where everyone’s needs are met, and no one feels neglected? But here's the thing—reality often paints a different picture. Life gets busy, priorities shift, and whether we realize it or not, someone ends up taking the back seat. For many families, this becomes an unintentional cycle.
But the real question is: Who actually gets prioritized in your family’s daily life? Is it the kids and their extracurriculars, school, and social needs? Or do the parents' jobs, personal growth, and self-care take precedence? Maybe it feels balanced some days, but most families are not quite as even-keeled as they hope. Right now, think about where you fall: Which are you? And just as important, Which do you want to be?
What Happens When These Dynamics Play Out During a Sabbatical?
Now, let’s apply this understanding to a family sabbatical. A sabbatical is often a rare opportunity to hit pause on the hustle and bustle of life. But how you plan and experience this time largely depends on your family dynamic. In fact, the kind of family you are will shape the entire sabbatical journey—unless you make a conscious effort to shift that focus. And here’s the good news: a sabbatical can be an ideal time to reset and recalibrate those dynamics.
There are three distinct paths a family sabbatical can take, depending on where the focus lies: Kid-focused, Parent-focused, or Family-focused. Each offers a different experience, and none of these approaches are inherently “bad.” The key is to be intentional. Let’s dive deeper into what each type of sabbatical could look like:
1. The Kid-Focused Sabbatical: Putting Kids in the Spotlight
A kid-focused sabbatical centers on the children's needs, schedules, and growth experiences. This type of sabbatical is often most appealing when parents have been missing out on quality time due to work or other commitments. In these families, parents consciously take a backseat to create an environment where kids are prioritized—be it through hands-on learning experiences, travel designed around the children’s interests, or time spent focusing on their hobbies and friendships.
For example, imagine a family traveling through Europe with a plan to visit historical sites and attend kids’ workshops or educational programs in each city. This type of sabbatical not only allows the children to explore new cultures and learn through experience but also serves as a chance to bond over shared adventures.
A kid-focused sabbatical could also look like an extended stay in a rural area where the focus is on outdoor activities like camping, hiking, and wildlife exploration—activities that are usually driven by the children's preferences. It’s a way to compensate for time parents may have lost due to demanding jobs or the pressures of modern life.
However, a potential pitfall here is over-scheduling activities and turning the sabbatical into a non-stop marathon of kid-friendly events. Balance is key. Even in a kid-focused sabbatical, there should be moments of relaxation where both parents and kids can recharge.
2. The Parent-Focused Sabbatical: Reclaiming Your Space
On the other hand, a Parent-focused sabbatical shifts the spotlight back onto the parents. These are often families where the parents have been consumed by their children's extracurricular activities, school obligations, and chauffeuring duties. The sabbatical becomes a much-needed reset for the parents, offering time to rest, rejuvenate, and rediscover personal passions and goals.
For example, a parent-focused sabbatical might involve extended stays in a tranquil location where the parents can engage in personal hobbies like writing, yoga, or wellness retreats. In these cases, the kids are also along for the ride but are encouraged to find their own ways to entertain themselves. It’s an opportunity for them to learn patience, independence, and how to navigate boredom without constant stimulation or parental direction.
Another benefit of a parent-focused sabbatical is the exposure to more adult-centric experiences. Maybe it’s exploring art museums, historical landmarks, or dining at local restaurants. These aren’t kid-tailored activities, but they can still offer valuable learning experiences for children in terms of maturity and worldliness. The sabbatical becomes a way to break out of the rigid structure of school schedules and organized activities and explore the world from a new, more varied perspective.
3. The Family-Focused Sabbatical: Balancing Everyone’s Needs
If you’re the type of family that strives for balance, a Family-focused sabbatical may be the ideal route. In this scenario, no one person’s needs are prioritized over another's. Instead, the focus is on finding ways to balance everyone’s desires and compromising to create an experience that reflects the collective family’s wants.
The planning process for a family-focused sabbatical often starts long before departure. In these families, everyone gets a say in how the sabbatical will unfold—parents and kids alike. It’s about collaboration. Maybe one family member has always dreamed of visiting Japan, while another wants to spend time in nature. The goal here is to create a sabbatical that allows everyone to feel heard and included, fostering a sense of togetherness.
This might look like splitting time between city stays—where parents can indulge in cultural experiences— and countryside retreats or beaches that cater to the kids' love for the outdoors. Family-focused sabbaticals emphasize flexibility, with time built in for both solo relaxation and family adventures. It’s less about following a strict itinerary and more about experiencing the sabbatical in a way that feels fulfilling to all.
Involving Kids in the Sabbatical Planning
Here’s where many Family-focused families slip up. If you’re truly a Family-focused family, have you involved your kids in the planning process? For most parents, the answer is no, and that’s okay. It's a common oversight, but one that can be easily corrected. Often, parents assume they know what’s best for their children, but kids—when asked—can surprise you with their insight, creativity, and willingness to compromise.
For example, one parent I worked with found that her teenage son, rather than wanting to visit every amusement park in sight, was actually more interested in hiking and learning about the environment. By involving him in the planning process, the family was able to design a sabbatical that included experiences everyone could enjoy.
Final Thoughts: What Kind of Sabbatical Family Are You?
Ultimately, the goal of any family sabbatical is not to mimic daily life but to step outside of it and reconsider what kind of family you want to be. Whether that means maintaining your current dynamics or shifting the focus is entirely up to you.
So ask yourself: What kind of family are you today? More importantly, What kind of family do you want to be on sabbatical?
By answering these questions, you’ll not only design a sabbatical that aligns with your values but also create an experience that has the potential to transform your family in meaningful and lasting ways.
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